


Even Light Loses Its Power

by Winterstar



Series: Sins of the Day [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:31:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1979505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterstar/pseuds/Winterstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky confronts the truth about what happened to Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Light Loses Its Power

**Author's Note:**

> This story in the series only has Bucky and Natasha in it. I did tag this as Steve/Tony so that people following the series could find it.

The prison is dark and cold and small, too small. He cannot move his legs or arms; he tucks his limbs up close and tight to his body. If he moves it only gets worse, if he moves, the Asset might notice him. He learned over the years to stay still and quiet and let the Asset do whatever needs to be done. He learned over the years not to protest.

He tried once, a long time ago, so long ago the distance fogs his memories. He tried and the Asset missed his target. They say pain is not a memory your body can experience in recollections, but he knows that's not true. He still recalls the torment of the machine, wiping him from existence until he became a blurred memory like a charcoal penciled drawing smudged and smeared from the paper.

The Asset forgives no one, least of all him. He fights for freedom, infrequently but he does. He tried once when they had him in the room, in the chair. He replays the moment in his head.

 _That man on the bridge._ He remembers saying it, he wasn't the Asset, the Asset had finally left him for those moments. _I knew him_.

After he wished he'd never remembered, he wished the memory had been forever purged from his brain cells, but the Asset leaves no witnesses, the Asset has no pity. The Asset went after him – the man on the bridge - and after him again and again. Even though, Bucky tried to help and stop. Even though Bucky screamed and cried and tried to stop the knives, the guns, and the assassin. He tried, he still cannot say how he forced his way up and out in order to save him, the Captain, his friend. The man on the bridge.

The Asset punished Bucky - after. The Asset took everything away from him, took the hope and the security of hope away. At one time the Asset had been Bucky's security, his shield against the pain and the loneliness, the utter despair of life. But now the Asset is endanger, is no longer of any use to anyone, is a danger to everyone. The Asset is a threat to everyone, even Bucky. The Asset won't listen to him, won't hear him. The Asset only wants to hurt everyone as he has been hurt.

Bucky tried to fight back when it happened, the terrible atrocity that the Asset inflicted on his friend, his memory, the man on the bridge. Bucky attempted to stop the Asset from what he did, from all the horror he inflicted, the harsh blows, the hatred seeping out in every action. He cried out for Steve, his friend, the man on the bridge, to fight back. But Steve didn't listen. He allowed the Asset to do his worst. It becomes yet another part of Bucky's nightmare.

He has only one recourse. He takes everything away from himself. He refuses to eat, or drink. He sits in the corner away from the bed in the room they've locked him in. He waits for death because once he dies then the Asset will die and Steve will be safe again, finally safe. It is the one true thing in all of Bucky’s life – that he ensure Steve’s welfare, his safety.

The door to the room - which is bright and shiney and not anything like the prison in his head - opens and a woman, the one from the bridge, with red hair and an attitude, and a walk that brings chills down his spine comes into his cell.

She settles on the edge of the bed, folds her hands and doesn't look at him. Instead she talks, "He's getting better, I know that's important to you. He's going home today. They think he's made enough progress to go home. Tony's with him, he'll be safe."

He doesn't look at the woman. He keeps his eyes focused on nothing, waiting to hear the Asset in his head again.

"He doesn't blame you. He only wants the best for you. I told him he was a better person than I am. I'd like to kick your ass, but everyone told me to behave." She turns her head to look at him, he barely catches it out of the corner of his eyes. Her hair falls over her shoulder. "I never take orders, you should be grateful I listen to the Captain."

"Everyone listens to the Captain," he finds himself saying. His voice croaks and rasps as if he's been screeching and yelling for days.

"Yes, he does that to people," she says and smiles. She stops looking at him. "He's a good man and if he thinks you’re worth saving then you're worth saving."

Bucky listens and hears her words but he cannot accept them. The Asset is inside of him, a threat and a menace to society, to her, to him - to the man on the bridge - to Steve. His lifelong friend and brother. "He shouldn't."

"That doesn't matter, he does," she says.

"You shouldn't."

She raises an eyebrow and smirks at him. "What makes you think I do?"

This piques his interest and he turns his attention fully to her. Lurking inside of him, the Asset mocks. He ignores the words and says, “You don’t.”

“Why should I?” she says. “You shot me twice.”

“I didn’t.”

“Yes, in the shoulder and in the stomach.”

“He did it, I didn’t do it,” he replies and there’s something urgent and pleading inside of him that wants her to believe him that needs her to believe him. It wasn’t him, it was the Asset. The Asset pipes up and laughs deep and dark and empty. His laugh always rings like the hollowed out bones of carrion crows. 

“He? Who’s he?” She crosses her arms and he feels smaller, but angrier.

“The Asset did it, him, he did it. I don’t even know who the hell you are,” Bucky lashes out and stands up. The Asset urges him, picks at him, tells him to hit her, take her neck and throttle her. But the mechanical arm is gone, they took it from him. He’s a ghost, a shadow, half of himself. 

“The Asset did it, you mean the Winter Soldier? He shot me? He came after us on the causeway?” She stands up and confronts him. She doesn’t back down, how is she not frightened of him – he does not know.

“He did,” Bucky says and he wants to beg her, but there’s a cold reality in her eyes that frightens him. She shows no mercy. “He did it. I didn’t.”

“He shot me, twice. He killed Nick Fury. He came after us on the causeway,” she states it like she’s planning out his murder in cold blood. She clicks off the steps; she’s a judge sentencing him.

“Yes, him not me,” Bucky says.

She tilts her head and her curls slip and fall along her temple. She’s very beautiful, but even lionesses are gorgeous animals with the blood of their kill still dripping from their mouths. “Then tell me, who beat and raped Steve Rogers? You or him?”

He opens his mouth, but the words fall, drop out, broken and unformed. He cannot state anything, she led him to this place. His mouths no, no, no, several times, but she purses her lips and smiles. It welcomes and does not tease or taunt. It softens him.

“The Asset, the Winter Soldier did it. Steve knows that, trust me when I say that to you,” she says. “Once Steve knows you as a friend, he will trust you to the end of the line.”

He crumbles then, he doesn’t know if she purposefully used those words, like a litigator with strategy, or if it was just serendipity. It impacts on his core, his soul – or what’s left of it – and he finds her next to him, holding him up, bringing him over to the bed. 

“Sit,” she directs and helps him to collapse on the bed. When he allows her to place him in the comfortable bed with its fine soft linens and the cushioned pillow, Bucky feels the hot prick of tears in his eyes. “He wants to see you.”

“He shouldn’t.”

“Let me put it this way,” she says. “He needs to see you.”

“Needs?”

“It will make things easier for him if you see him, if he knows this didn’t completely destroy you. He needs to know you’re going to fight.” She pulls up the blanket. “So start fighting.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Bucky says because his nemesis hunches over him in the blackness of his mind. 

“You’ll have to,” she says and goes to the door.

Before she leaves, he says, “It doesn’t always work that way, you know. Sometimes, even light loses its power.”

The corners of her mouth upturn, and she says as a challenge, “Does it?"

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](http://winterstar95.tumblr.com) if you are so inclined! You can request stories, or prompt me, or even ask about old stories or sequels. My ask is always open!


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